So, this is going to be a unique post. I had asked my family if anyone was willing to share their experience dealing with my eating disorder. My dad quickly responded with his words that I will share below. I didn't anticipate the emotions that would come about when I asked my family for their words. One thing I have realized is that when you are in an addiction, selfishly, it's easy to believe that you aren't hurting anyone but yourself but as you will read below, that just simply isn't the case. I hope to share more from other members of my family in upcoming posts.
My thoughts about your eating disorder go back before you really had an eating disorder. It was some weeks or months after you left home and moved to Utah. Things weren't going well with a job and who knows what else and you decided to come home. You drove home and the guy you were hanging out with at the time road with and took the bus back. You started work back at CMI. It seems like you were here about a week or so and then you decided you wanted to go back to Utah and you packed up and left. I had to go into work the next morning and tell Hal you were gone. I cried the whole time I was telling him. I didn't know why I was so emotional about you leaving. Looking back some time later I knew why - things were going to get real bad for you.
Then some time later you told us you had developed an eating disorder. In my mind I figured you could get counseling and with your determination and our faith and prayers you would have a miracle and you would overcome it. It didn't get better. When you came home at Christmas we realized this was very serious and we were on the edge of losing you. We knew we had to pull out all the stops and do something. We studied up on The Center and figured we had to do whatever was necessary to get you in there. In patient treatment was the only hope at that point.
The next few weeks were a whirlwind of events. Visiting The Center, trying to figure out where we would get the money to pay for the treatment, convincing you that we loved you and cared and would do whatever was necessary to get you help. It was an emotional roller coaster. Finally things fell into place. It seems like it took forever but it was only a few weeks. All the time I was so fearful we wouldn't get you into the treatment before the disorder killed you. Then you were in. Then after one day or two you called and wanted out. We were devastated. We prayed for a miracle that you would stay. Then the miracles starting happening. You decided to stay. You got Dr. B assigned to be your counselor. You started making progress. You were on the mend. You started gaining weight back. Then we got to visit you. You were getting better. There was now hope. We had some family days and they were good but so discouraging to see the other girls, many who were struggling and to see the other families and you could see the pain in their eyes even though they tried to hide it. Those visits were good and bad. Then the best day of all. You got a day to be out and be with us. I remember how happy you were. We drove up to Salt Lake. You were playing music in the car, Five for Fighting and some other. It was so good to see you happy again.
We had the miracle we had been praying for. It didn't come in the way we expected, but it came. The rest of the treatment time was a breeze, we had you back and you were going to live.
Certainly some future challenges and rough times, but we had seen a miracle happen