I just got finished with a difficult week of workouts. And man, do I feel great! My legs are like jello and I know I've been pushing myself, but that's what I set out to achieve.
I debated for a long time if it would be appropriate to talk about my running/workout goals on a blog that discusses eating disorders and all the behaviors that accompany that, including over exercising. Until it hit me tonight. My goal is to talk about what recovery look like, not what it looks to be in an eating disorder. And if recovery for me looks like a healthy dose of exercise, then why should I hide that. I have come a long way, and so grateful I am able to find a healthy level of fitness for myself.
When I was deep in my disease, I would exercise for hours. I remember being on the elliptical every day making sure I burned every bit of calories I had consumed that day and more. It was a total obsession. It took a lot of time after I left treatment to feel comfortable getting a workout in. I was so fearful that it would trigger that obsession again. I think that's a healthy fear. Recognizing where I came from and where I don't want to return to.
It has been years since I have really worried about that too much. By the time that I lost that fear, I also lost the desire to really work out.
Recently after my youngest daughter was born, I started to run again. And I just loved it. It gave me self confidence, it boosted my mood. I struggled a little with postpartum depression I think after the baby was born, and running just helped me so much.
I can not describe to you how great it feels to finish a good hard workout and feel accomplished! There is a huge difference between the workouts I do today and what my workouts looked like 12 years ago. I am not working out to burn calories, but to improve my fitness and to reach my running goals. I have got a wonderful friend and running partner/coach, Kristi. She has helped me from ground zero all the way to my first half marathon and many miles of good conversations.
I am so grateful for where I am today. I am always excited to get a good run in. It doesn't feel like an unhealthy obsession. It just feels good to set goals, work really hard to towards them, and then make that effort to achieve them. I haven't always hit my race goals, but I always give it my all. That's all I really expect out of my body now.
To see more about races that I've run with Kristi, and some of the goals that we are working on, as well some great running tips click on the link below to connect to Kristi's Blog.